Poem to the future Hubby...Make This Matter

<3 Make this matter <3

Serve me your  heart on a platter 

&& even let it splatter on my fam n friends, 

Then you can have me with all my loops && ends, 

smiles && grins,

trust && plans

Be my fearless David, 

My dreaming Joseph, 

My enduring Paul...

Love me deeply, completely, truly

Ill give u my all...  

When we fall let it be on pillows of grace, 

When we hurt let our knees be the first place,

When it all seems wrong let his plan make it right

Serve me your heart on a platter,

But baby please make it matter!

Everlasting Game 

Im so helpless in my misery

The jealosy that defies me

Comparisons undermine me

I seek and I regret

I long for but see failures

It burns me with shame

an everlasting game

C H A N G E

Almost daily I ask can I truly change, change my character from the beginning of time.Selfish, Lustful, Proud, Unforgiving...How can my twisted thoughts turn into Holy longings? How do I strive for His goals when I have been striving for mine all my life. How do I change that after 21 years of my own tyranny? How do I give it all up for something I can't see and will only have at the end?

Well Ladies and gentleman...I think it requires a lot of prayer, discipline, and drive.

"Your desire for change M U S T  be stronger than your desire to stay the same."

Wow so my parents have told me the most meaningful  things EVER today. You are paying rent and you are growing up! LOL Yes it hurts to know that I am spoiled, selfish brat, who thinks everything in this world is easy to get and even easier to keep. What can I say I have been generously blessed by the grace of God... and I know they are doing the right thing for me but I hate admitting that to them or anyone else. HAHAH... (I hope they never read this) Anyways Their words of wisdom have broken this little girl in a big girl body attitude I possess. Finally I have found the magic words that will set me free and God bless them. It felt like I was getting a spanking but was enjoying it if you even understand that, only adults really understand that your parents only discipline you because they love you. Now I must discipline myself, by starting a savings account to pay for everything and stop spending my money on laligags... OEMGEE really growing up is right around the corner and I am all by myself no future husband in sight... Well I guess I will start here and get better out there in the real world. Gosh growing up is hard to do! <3

The rights of the wronged... Arabian Women

"If a man is accused of infidelity by his wife, she must prove his guilt, but if a woman is accused, she must prove her innocence"

I just finished watching the touching true story "The Stoning of Soraya M." and I'm still shocked and disturbed by its contents.Soraya's husband had her stoned after accusing her of adultery, even though she was completely innocent. I cannot imagine the injustice of this as I sit here in my American suburb, but I can feel the terror and the pain. I respect religious ideas, but I do not respect injustice through religion. It breaks my heart to here them say "Allah is great", as they murder women and get there pleasures. The law that gives them permission to do this is called Sharia which is practiced throughout Iran,Afghanistan,Nigeria, and other places around the world. This law puts entirely too much power into the hands of men and allows them to obstruct justice for their own means, the world sees the after-effects when its placed in the hands of sadistic men like Soraya's husband.  I am looking through Google as I type to to find something that I could do to help these women,Soraya's brave aunt gave them a small voice,but it needs to become LOUDER! I am never for the taking away of peoples rights,but I am all for justice and if that means the end of the horrible infidelity law above, I pray to God that it happens.

You cannot call something law unless its seeks justice for ALL the people it applies to people. These Arabian women deserve a voice to keep their blood from crying out to us all!

P H A S E S

<3 I am so angry, I feel so unjustified, I feel like screaming, because life isn't fair, it doesn't treat me right or good. I stumble continually, falling slowly and painfully in amazed terror.

Ugly not only invades my exterior frame but is all through my interior,it slowly rots away ,deterioates feeling, numbing joy, maximizing pain, subcumming to fear...all in all leading to the death of my soul. 

What is love? That I have no feeling toward it . It doesnt become anesthesia for my pain but further allows my pain and burden and heartbreak. I go through phases of this every 6 months and though it wrecks my emotions,it brings a healing. I must allow truth to overcome me on my journey to find joy and love. 

Jesus hold me when Im down and out, be my Comforter, my Abba when times are so hard.  Give grace and mercy everlasting, cuddle me till the tears drop no more.Change me into your will, your beauty, your way. I am Yours Lord I am Yours <3

XoXo <3


Music of the Day:


Jesus take the Wheel- Carrie Underwood

Random

 Daily

Daily 

I push,pull n push again is there no win?...

In this sin...

Desire Fueling fire...that inspires my nitemares, YES I'M SCARED...

Torn between two worlds...A downward swirl of trail and error or want n terror

Like clock work I'll stop work...ing towards the better me...

Flesh loses the civil war instead of He...I am crumbling steadily....

N crying for my plea bargain.... ur grace please just a taste....

Maybe then it will slow my pace of inner destruction n immoral sudduction....

To this world n lifeless traditions...my only supersition belief...

help me...save me..Lord raise me for every new battle...

Daily <3